It Had to Be
by 808abc123
Summary: one-shot. trying to rid the writers block. short, random, angsty drabble mostly. Pairing is Doccubus but really it could be any two people. POV is debatable, you decide.


_Ok I've had a lot of caffeine and sugar and this kind of formulated itself. Trying to get back on the horse so to speak so this is a short one-piece. Pairing is Doccubus but really it could be any two people. POV is debatable, you decide. Usual disclaimer, character's not mine blah blah blah._

She stood at the window looking out into the world that had managed to consume her over the years. It's no surprise that at such a young age she had experienced a lifetime of experiences that she'd stored in her mind and soul to help carry her from each day to the next. She realized that as she looked at her reflection in the mirror the once vibrant person she'd seen before was replaced by a hardened version of herself. At first glance most people only saw the physical beauty that graced her features and did its best to represent her inherently good nature and trademark white knight persona that always seemed to surround her.

But when you looked deeper you could see much more.

Like the telltale signs of aging that she wore as a badge of honor given her many trials and tribulations throughout her life. These were remnants of her past, of her present and indicative of what her future held. Lines of worry that were barely visible around her eyes or forehead some might mistake for worry or confusion. In her case however they were daily reminders of everything that she'd fought for and lost throughout her life. The people and things she held close to her that had been taken from her unexpectedly or forced to change their place in her life due to time and circumstance.

Or perhaps you would see the way her smile faltered after a few seconds from the weight of the world bearing down on her shoulders. Thrust into an unfamiliar situation the person staring back at her wasn't sure how to proceed except to put one foot in front of the other and hope for the best. The once radiant smile would eventually fall to a frown as she realized how much she'd needed to become to so many people and yet no one had been that to her. Or perhaps they had been but no longer were. Either way, her guiding light had been snuffed out and it was up to her now to carve her path.

What most people fail to see though, even those that look deeper, is what lies just below the surface. A constant battle is forever raging within and on most days it takes all she has to fight it. Bury deep the cataclysm of emotion that she swallows like a pill hoping its toxic ways would soon be diminished and she could return to how things once were. It wasn't in her nature to lose the control she fought so hard to maintain but every day the will to fight became less and less. Perhaps it was in her best interest to let the fire burn white hot but she could never bring herself to let it get to that point.

"Babe?"

Glancing up she sighed as she saw the warm brown eyes looking back at her through the reflection. She'd been lost in thought and didn't hear the floorboard squeak behind her like she normally did. She made contact with those eyes in the mirror and smiled feeling the weight of everything around her lifting almost instantaneously. Those eyes were her salvation. Her safe haven that held the power to build her up or break her down with just a flicker or twinkle.

"Hey you."

There it was.

She was doing it again.

It wasn't exactly avoidance but it wasn't exactly being forthcoming about the struggle she found herself in either. For better or wrose it was what she did. Every. Time. If for no other reason than to make the brown eyes soften into a smile that she loved so much. Even on the worst of days it was her salvation. Her timeless moment that gave her an excuse to breathe if only for a few seconds.

"Everything okay?"

That question had been uttered far too often at her over the past few months. She knew everyone knew something was different but she wasn't sure exactly what it was.

"Everything is fine."

Fine. A descriptive word that couldn't be farther from the truth. Inside she was slowly dying but with no anchor she knew fighting it was useless. Reaching out blindly into the night wouldn't get her anywhere and she knew for the sake of everyone around her she needed to walk the talk. Her role in all of this was questionable at best but she knew removing herself from the equation wasn't an option. Too many people were invested in her now for that to be an option.

"Okay."

And just like that the calm was gone.

She wasn't sure if it was the lack of fight or the loss of passion or worse…the acceptance. Acceptance that this was how it was and this is how it would be. Over the years she'd learned to mask the truth to the point where she didn't know what was truth and what was a lie any more. Perhaps she'd let that spill over to other parts of her life and she was just now realizing what that was doing to her.

Unbreakable.

At one point she believed in this word, but now it seemed to be her biggest downfall. She put her feelings on a pedestal not once thinking their bond would be tested to the point of breaking. But it wasn't a clean break. It was a slow crack that seemed to grow in size on a daily basis. Firs tit was the big things but now it had seeped into the little things. The things that were supposed to be the bonding agent of their entire existence. It has become the thing that haunts her both in her conscious and unconscious mind. Mocking her, reminding her that in this world no one was immune to hurt and loss.

So, she did what she always did.

She put on her mask and pretended everything was fine. She could fool the rest of the world but she knew she would never be able to fool the reflection she saw every day. This thought saddened her but she knew for the time being, it was good enough. After all, it had to be.


End file.
